Taking care of WEN YANG for Dummies
by Insertmanyfandomshere
Summary: A manual for the WEN YANG unit.


**Introduction**

**Alright! We got another sucker for unimportant-in-history pretty boys! I mean... Congratulations! You are the proud owner of the WEN YANG unit! This unit is very popular despite being the latest model we have next to the JIA CHONG unit. Okay, let's face it, you just bought him for his dreamy face, huh? Thought so. You're never gonna find love if you continue to do this to yourself-Ah, giving words of wisdom was sooooooooo last century. Known for being the Jeremy Lin of the Three Kingdoms. **

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><p><strong>Comes with...<strong>

**One (1) javelin perfect-for-all-of-the-penis-innuendos-in-the-world**

**One (1) helmet with a feather boa on the top**

**One (1) set of anachronistic metal armor**

**Seven (7) normal Chinese robes (Did you think he's gonna walk around in that armor ALL DAY and SLEEP IN IT? No one should suffer the pain of lugging around metal armor.)**

**Two (2) pairs of shoes **

**Basic Information**

**Name: Wen Yang**

**Gender: Male**

**Other names: Jeremy Lin (Mine), super tall guy, Asian height stereotype debunker (Did you know he shares a name with a Chinese chess player? Google it.)**

**Famous for: Being tall, being one of Jin's greatest generals, and killing Sima Shi unintentionally**

**Spouse(s): N/A**

**Children: N/A (Can't find anything of his family other than his father and brother.)**

**Appearance: Tall guy that looks a bit like Noel from Final Fantasy XIII-2**

**Build: Skinny-ish?**

**Age: N/A **

**Striking Features: HE'S FRICKIN' TALL, what else do you need?**

**Height: Very fucking tall**

**Quirks: He's blander than boiled cabbage, unfortunately.**

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><p><span><strong>Instructions<strong>

**Yeah, the box will not fit through your door... Fix the box so that the long side is on its side you are able to move the box like if you were holding a ram during the Viking times. Once you got it in (That's what she said.), open the box and let the WEN YANG unit get out. His head may hit yours when he sits up. Maybe you can sneak an "accidental" kiss from him. **

**Care**

***This unit requires custom things in order to fully be comfortable since he's hitting your roof with his head right now. If you can't afford that, than make do with what you have now.***

**I doubt your shower could clean him fully, but let him at least try to use your shower before you get a loofa and decide to wash his no-no zone without his permission. (Ladies.) For food, he's not too picky, so give him anything you'd like for him to have. For sleeping, he could sleep anywhere you tell him to. (We all know you're making him sleep in your bed with you, ladies.) Though it's most likely his feet would be hanging out at the end of the bed. He can be easily entertained by a combination of showing him modern stuff and maybe let him watch T.V. or video games.**

**How to keep your WEN YANG unit Happy**

**He's usually pretty happy or neutral. Just don't comment or joke on how his height is making trouble for him. Look, I don't know, he's the typical guy in every romantic comedy manga, so you have to test out his buttons yourself. **

**The WEN YANG unit will leave you or disobey you if the following happens...**

**This isn't possible. You've really made him pissed if he is actually thinking about this or is giving you the cold shoulder.**

**Precautions **

**If you want to buy clothes for him, you're gonna have a bad time. **

**If you're in range of him tripping, you're gonna have a bad time. **

**If you're trying to kiss him, you're gonna have a bad time. *Unless you're around his height, then no.***

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><p><span><strong>Special skills<strong>

**-Fluent in Chinese (It's the hard kind.)**

**-Can get you that thing you want on the top shelf at Costco**

**-Can get you that heavy thing on the top shelf at Home Depot (Yeah, you will be at Home Depot when you get this unit. Trust me.)**

**-Dreamy so he can seduce that bitchy waiter to get your eggs actually cooked**

**-Could be good at basketball if you put your mind into it**

**-Perfect for Renaissance fairs**

**Romancing**

**Females: Yeah, you don't need this manual. Play it like those romance mangas and he's yours.**

**Males: Let me guess, you want to make cash off of yaoi doujins? **

**Interactions**

**SIMA SHI: Killed him, somehow is in a romantic relationship with him thanks to fangirls.**

**SIMA ZHAO: Was saved by him. Fangirls also ship these two together.**

**DENG AI: This unit is taller than him by one inch.**

**XIAHOU BA: Both are the armor-clad boys of Jin. He is the smallest in the Jin group while Wen Yang is the second-tallest and XIAHOU BA is envying him.**

**ZHAO YUN: They're similar people in ROTK. History, no.**

**FAQ'S**

_**He can't get through doors without hitting his poor head!**_

**You're shaming him by saying these things.**

_**How dare you say such things about this dream of a human being?**_

**He WAS human. Now he's pixels and code.**

_**How long is he?**_

**He's about 6 foot 6 inches. **

_**Huuuuaaaaa...**_

**Miss? **

_**How do you know anyway?**_

**What? He's pretty tall, so I made an estimate.**

_**But that isn't possible.**_

**He's tall for a guy in his time where in Ancient China where everyone was at least 5'9.**

_**Wait, you were talking about height?**_

**Yeah, what else would I would be talking about?**

_**Oh... I thought... his... you know...**_

**Wow... There's a reason why we got rid of the penis length section. **


End file.
